BE CAREFUL! Writing can drive you crazy
Part 2 (Part 1 appears below)
Asian gurus agree that we should focus on the present. The past exists only in a person's faulty memory. The future is just imagination.
Memoirs can be pretty boring unless the relevant person has done something extraordinary or is well known. Few others are worth reading, unless they resonate with one's own life in some way or are funny. Too many writers have the overarching egos to think others will be interested in their mundane stories.
Because of this, I am writing a book containing only funny incidents from my own travels and experiences. 'Memories from a Misspent Life.' The rest of my existence is only relevant to me. Much of it is sordid, warped and unfortunate.
I was advised to write everything and edit out the non-funny parts. This was an extremely bad idea. It is driving me into a depressed and psychotic state.
The problem is that from the perspective of old age, you can see how earlier events led inexorably from one bad or good thing to the next. Life is like a Pascal's triangle made into a pegboard. A metal ball is inserted between the top two pegs of the apex of the triangle resting on its base. Each row on the way down has an additional two pegs. As gravity pulls the ball down, it randomly passes down a route, till it pops out between two pegs among those at the bottom at the bottom. The particular route and exit are a matter of pure chance.
There is no going back. Once a route is started, the path forward towards the bottom is limited. Oh the errors made, the misery caused, the hurt to others that can never be repaired.
Knowing that depression can be caused by desperately trying to change the past is little consolation. Dwelling on the trauma, pain and heartache one has created is extremely harmful to mental health.
Delve into the darkest chapters of your past at your peril!
Unless that is you want to go completely barking mad, like my favourite artist. Salvador Dali. He developed a technique in which he drove himself into a paranoiac state. Well, it served him well. Maybe I should continue down that route?